Who needs help complaining? Most of us are naturals. Over time and with experience, we hone our skills. We know how and when and to whom. We know the tone of voice that sanctifies our murmuring for our selected audience. And now social media adds a new, global dimension to the craft of complaining.
But before you think I’m complaining about complaining, I’m not. Instead, my hope is to offer some helpful advice that can take our complaining to a whole new level. So here it goes:
Before complaining, think.
This may sound like simple speak, but most of us complain after feeling bad rather than after thinking well. If we will think about the issue and consider other perspectives and possibilities, our complaints may actually add value and help someone else.
Before complaining, repent.
It’s interesting to me that most of my complaints assume the worst about someone else and the best about moi. I tend to complain as if I have done everything I can do to help and the other person has done nothing but cause pain. That’s obviously delusional. So before complaining, find a mirror. Look deeply into the one who looks back, and repent.
Before complaining, join.
Many of us like to complain from the dark. We murmur to people who can do nothing to fix the problem. They validate our negativity and we assume we must be right. Instead, when we are hurt or confused or frustrated, step out of the dark and join the solution. This will take an uncommon courage. And it will cost us time, energy, and maybe even our reputation with our negative friends. But when we join, we help create something better.
Before complaining, champion.
I subscribe to a TV programming service that offers many channels. Our family can watch drama, sports, reality TV, news, or children’s shows. The variety is awesome. Unfortunately, some of us have only three channels: gripe, gossip, and grumble. Perhaps our legitimate concerns would be received if we learned to champion and cheer on others a little more often than we complain.
Before complaining, add.
When our kid strikes out in the batter’s box, we don’t withhold our support. We add words of encouragement. We add love. We add anything we can to help her improve. But if she heard complaining, we would almost guarantee her future failure…the very result we are complaining about. So when someone strikes out or falls short of your expectation, add. Add words of encouragement. Add time to invest in their life. Add counsel that will tee them up for future success. Add prayer for them.
Before complaining, choose.
Do you really want to be that guy? Every office, every organization, and every church has that guy that’s known for fussing, for gossiping, for undermining leadership, or for threatening to leave if things don’t improve. Do you really want to be known as that guy? We all get to choose the kind of impact we make and the legacy we leave behind. Choose well.
Before complaining, pray.
It seems we can justify almost any of our complaints, but when we pray, God does something in our hearts to remind us of our need for Him and His sovereign care over all of our hurts and pain. He reminds us that the situation is smaller than He is. He reminds us that He is working even through our problems. And He reminds us that we need Him as much as anyone else. We are not only humbled in prayer, but in prayer we find the kind of help no one else can provide.
So after all of that, complain. That’s right. Go straight to the person (and only to that person) who is responsible for your frustration. Be kind, but be clear. In genuine love, share your heart. Then offer a helping hand. And then trust God to not only change your circumstances and change someone else, but to change you.
Please click the comment button below to share some other tips on how to complain.